Dear SM....

Hello SM People,

A few requests:

1. Please stop putting raps in your songs.
Really, SM's rappers suck. I'm sorry.
Kibum, Yunho, etc. - you are not Tablo. Nor will you ever be. Please stop trying. You cannot rap. You are very bad, really. You are not even as good as the Shinhwa rappers. And they are older. Please, please, please. Leave the rapping to real rappers.
SM pop is very, very good. Just leave it as pure pop. Pop is excellent. No rap. please.
Honestly, Yunho can sing decently. Let the boy sing. Or just dance all day and sing backup. Just ... no rapping.
[On another note...Big Bang, which as a YG artist is *supposed* to rap...sucks just as badly as SM's Kpop rapping. Now that is unfortunate. But G-Ri's awesomeness *almost* makes up for it.]

2. Please stop putting English in your songs.
Your market is Korea. Or Asia. Either way, they cannot speak English. Why is it necessary?
And for people who do understand English...you are just making fools of yourselves. It's very bad, really. We don't really understand what purple lines you are talking about, why you want to touch yourself, or why seven colors make much happiness.
Again, none of you are Tablo. Please stick to Japanese and Korean.
[And only Super Junior M and its awesomeness is allowed to attempt Chinese. DBSK, please improve your intonation before you try again. Seriously, nine songs later... And it is CHEATING to leave raps in Korean. All or nothing, people. PLUS refer back to #1. So Korean raps in Chinese songs = doubly wrong. ]

3. Keep groups to 5 or 6 people, max.
Super Junior is beyond ridiculous. IDK who those elves are kidding with their "only 13." How about, like, "only five." Suju really needs to split. I love how they all lipsynched because poor Heechulie had a sore throat. Oh no, because between the other twelve members they couldn't make up his vocals. Frickin DBSK did without Jaejoong for Rising Sun - if they can cover their lead singer and 1/5 of their group, Suju can cover a backup singer and 1/13 of their group.
Super Junior M is also too big. Seven is NOT OK. Especially because Ryowook is one of those seven. Ryowook has got to go. OUT. GO. OUT. And if you want an odd number for a nice V dancing formation, kick Zhoumi out.
SNSD also. I have not heard any of their music yet, but nine girls is unnecessary. I read Wikipedia and see that half of the girls don't really sing. Some are also MCs and DJs. wtf?? One doesn't even sing at all, apparently? Her position is "model, actress." mmkay, why is she in the group again? I also read there are RAPPERS in SNSD???? OMSK. Refer back to #1. I'm quite frightened to hear this, actually.

4. Drop this Big Brother business.
Seriously, this Father SM stuff is really frightening. You control these poor people's existences to the second. DBSK members deserve to have a life! And Heechul does not need a nose job! Please!!!

5. Bring DBSK to NY.
Ok, ok. Hollywood Bowl. Great. COME TO NEW YORKKKKK

Thanks!